Birth Order ~ The Struggle Is Real *Warning – SARCASM AHEAD*


Birth order, it happens folks – it’s a FACT.

There are a few clans you can belong to here, each one with a unique set of characteristics, struggles, DEMONS.

First borns:

These are my people, my peeps. I belong to this clan. And let me tell you, being first born is no cake-walk. It’s not all lollipops and rainbow sprinkles over here in mom-and-dad-don’t-know-what-they’re-doing, good-example-setting, built-in-babysitter land.

FB’s are the ones with the thick skins, the ones God made extra resilient, since Mom and Dad weren’t really sure what was going on when they were born. FB’s were breast/bottle fed, cloth/disposable diapered, sleep/not sleep trained, co-sleep/cry it outers….they have done it all. Mom and Dad figured shiz out with these guys. Guinea pig style.

When #2 and beyond came along, the FB’s became the “good examples” for the littler ones. “Don’t hit! You are teaching your little brother to hit!” “Keep your room clean! Little Suzy does everything just like you!” They had full-time jobs at 14, baby sat for free and did 90% of the chores. For free.

Middle child(ren):

Watch out for these guys, huh? The MC’s are a feisty group, usually acting out their MC-ness before a third child was ever born. They quite enjoy causing trouble, especially if it involves dragging the FB’s through the mud. This crowd is well-known for its’ broken bones, broken windows….broken anything. Speaking of broken things, how about breaking mom and dad’s hearts? Right when they think they have this whole parenting thing figured out, MC’s come along and give them a run for their money. High fives all around – well played guys.

Middle children are the ones that require parenting books, titles like: “Unique Discipline for Your Toddler” and “Difficult Children Deserve Love Too”. The inside of the book should have said “Don’t bother reading, there is no hope for you, put your head down, get through the next 18 years. The end.”

Let’s face it, MCers do their own thing, they roll with the punches (unless of course they don’t feel like it) and they keep the ‘rents on their toes. A few gray hairs never hurt anyone.

Baby of the Family:

I’m not even sure where to start with this clan. Classy bunch. Wrapping mom and dad around your little finger is your job, except for that you don’t even have to try. Despite the fact that you have literally ZERO baby pictures, and your siblings tell you that you were adopted, you are clearly the trophy child. Pay no mind to the fact that you are whiny, self-centered and spoiled – these old, tired parents can’t get enough of you.

The first round of kids really tuckered the padres out, so here’s your hall pass. No need to get a job or do chores, you know daddy is going to sport you whatever your precious heart desires. Want to live at home forever? No problemo amigo! Empty-nesting is for lame old people. Besides, Mom and Dad already turned FB & MC’s bedrooms into the “Man-Cave” and “Craft Room”, so your room is free to stay! Settle in for the long haul BFers!




Ok seriously, this post may be one-sided (rock on FB’s!), and riddled with sarcasm (hopefully you picked up on that), but I love my siblings to death, they are fabulous just the way they are!

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